Couples urged to take care of their marriage

By Paul A. Barra

MAULDIN — A full house crowded into the parish hall at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Church on Jan. 15. Like the passengers on Noah’s ark, they came in pairs.
It was the annual Marriage Enrichment Retreat, and the 57 married couples in attendance felt that spending a sunny Saturday renewing their marriages was worth the effort.
Mary Mullaney of St. Joseph in Columbia has been married for 16 years; she and her husband have four children and busy lives, so the retreat was time they needed to realign their priorities.
“It’s great being able to focus on what comes first, our marriage,” Mullaney said. “Every couple needs to get away once in a while to strengthen their relationship.”
Father Howard L. Coughlin, pastor emeritus of the host parish, was on hand to help with confessions, which were offered throughout the day. He said that every vocation needs strengthening periodically.
“Priests go through several days of retreat each year. We have a priest from the outside come in to preach. It’s good for us, and it’s good for married couples. They see that they’re in situations shared by others,” he said.
The visiting priests were Father Paul C. Moreau and Father Eamonn Shelly. Both are Legionaries of Christ from Atlanta. The charism of the Legionaries order is to work with lay people in evangelization, according to Father Moreau.
The two priests ran the one-day retreat with talks, meditations and questionnaires that opened discussions. Topics included “His Needs, Her Needs,” “God’s Idea of Matrimony,” “Marital Conscience Exam,” “A Marriage Centered on Jesus Christ,” and “Communication.”
The afternoon concluded with adoration of the Blessed Sacrament and Mass where participants renewed their marriage vows.
Juan and Rita Rivera of St. Mary in Greenville, 24-year veterans of the married life, said they were relieved to find out that they were not the only ones struggling to keep their marriage fresh and strong.
Time was the big factor in most of the marriage troubles people seemed to be experiencing. Dan and Kathleen Castell have been married for seven years and have three small children.
“Some days there is simply no time to think about your marriage,” Kathleen said. “This retreat gives you that time.”
Father Moreau told the audience that the secret to gaining time is to manage perspective.
“Get out of your own head and look at the big picture,” he said. “Practice the virtue of charity in your marriage, because holy people make better spouses. The virtue of charity will build the relationship.”
He went on to list the practical manifestations of charity within a marriage, including being loyal, pious, understanding, benevolent, clear in communicating, courageous in defending one’s spouse, kind, courteous, grateful and large-minded in one’s relationship with one’s spouse.
“Be willing to concede when justice has not been done,” the priest said.
Father Moreau illustrated his points with anecdotes and humor. He also recommended the sacraments of reconciliation and the Eucharist, calling them the greatest gifts God has given us. Confession, he said, is like being resurrected from the dead.
“Caring for a marriage is like caring for a lawn. You have to cut the grass every week to keep it healthy. To keep your marriage healthy, you have become holier and care for it regularly,” he said.

Published Feb. 3, 2005
The Catholic Miscellany